I need to give space. Space. That is such a small 5 letter word but is something so hard to do. I am insecure....I like to do what I can to feel secure. That need can lead to one feeling overwhelmingly smothered or something.
I want to get better people....I do. How do I do it? What point to I start with? Do I start with the childhood or move on to adult life? Can't I just flick a switch? Please? It was so easy to make the damage...why is it soooooooooo hard to fix it? I feel a call coming into Ann tomorrow to see if she can meet with me. I am confused. Seperate my thoughts is what I am supposed to do.....focus on the one thought at a time and figure out the emotions behind it and whether they are warranted. So many thoughts...feelings. Ugh.
This is what I will do daily. I will smile. I will. I will remember that I am a nice person with a lot of good qualities. I will be the best Mom that I can. I will give James what he needs in the hopes that on the flip side I can show him the love that I have for him. I will go problem to problem...moment to moment and deal with them.
Here is what I will not do. I will not let this ever building anxiety take the control that it so wants to. I will not make the insecurities that I have make myself feel unloved. I am loved. Remember that, Jen.
Jen---this is to you so pay attention. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE GOOD. YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. Did you read that? Okay...good!!
As you can see it is a struggling day. I have had A LOT of anxiety---so much so that I have thought about my Zoloft to get me through. ANXIETY is AWFUL but letting it ruin your life is worse! I said in my first post that I would be posting about my struggles---today is one of those days.
Stay tuned people. Oh and remember you are loved!
1 comment:
You are loved. By me! I know things are hard right now, but lets work at it and get things better for all of us.
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